As my life hangs by a thread, I think of the promise I made to my girlfriend during our high school talent show. Just the month before I had represented the school for musical theatre on the Pantages theatre, and had performed rock music throughout the school year. I don’t recall being invited to the talent show though, and instead was left out in the hallways listening to the performances and applause. Out of bitternerness and (probably tourettes related impulsion) I blurted out, “in ten years I’ll be the most successful person in our whole year! Just watch!”

As my life hangs by a thread, it’s been ten years now. We were still together when I transferred successfully into USC, but by the time we broke up I had graduated Phi Beta Kappa. I spent my nights writing songs and forcing my way, a few times onto the Hotel Cafe showcase, probably by far one of the worst performers every time.

I finally hit a stroke of luck with Terry Roland, who singlehandedly put me in a position to play in front of Dylan violinist Scarlet Rivera, who said in passing when asked by Terry, “you made Bob Dylan proud.” John York of the legendary Byrds also allowed me to open for him at suggestion of Terry and even invited me to close the show with him to my surprise, trading off verses of “Imagine.”

Then I met Tracy Newman and Art Podell, who praised me after hearing my Irish-Greek folk rip-off “Lay Me Down.” I had the pleasure of playing on the same bill as them later on. Then came Jeff Hutchinson, who drummed with Joey Molland of Badfinger and praised me and The Licata Brothers (All-Suffering Emergency Eradication Army), saying “you guys made Joey proud.

Within this period I was diagnosed with an extreme brain disorder that could typically be categorized as anywhere between three and eight different diagnoses. Tourettes, OCD, Somatic Symptom Disorder, Chronic Pain Syndrome, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, psychotic features like delusions and hypomania, you name it. A leading brain imaging expert said based on advanced scans it started as a “20/10” on a ten point scale, and that I was the “Olympic champion of dysfunction on the emotional control circuit.” Awesome. Even after one of the most number of advanced experimental NTMS treatments by another leading doctor, I continue to stare into the face of death, and worse, malterminal, catatonic-like euthanasia episodes. All signs pointed to this being possibly one of the worst brain disorders in modern brain imaging history.

As a last ditch when I was growing certain of my end, we spent money working with leading PR-firm Planetary Group on a one-time 4 week college radio campaign and ended up with 16 stations added or played on, with 5 light rotations and 2 medium rotations, including a few plays in Finland and Canada. I had finally proved some level of measurable success, that if my music really was professional grade, just as I was certain it was over.

I haven’t become the folk-rock star I dreamed of being, nor the brilliant intellectual academic I expected I could be. I don’t even know if I’ll be alive when you read this. And yet despite this brain disorder, I’ve been praised by living legend after living legend for my songwriting, and I graduated with as high of honors as one pretty much could from a top college. Most of all, I’ve fought a war from the “multiversal thermonuclear demon possession disease” for years and still haven’t given up.